Every time I finish a blog post, and I hit that 'Publish Post' button I get such a sense of relief from my purge of emotion. And, as soon as one topic has been set free from my mind and soul, another grows in its place almost immediately. So, I move through my way-too-frenzied days with ideas swirling around in this busy body brain of mine until they too can be let out of their cage.
For almost 2 months now I have been made dizzy from life itself, as well as these multiplying ideas I haven't been able to release (before you start to worry, I'm quite alright). I'm hoping to 'get them out' over the next few days, as I see a glimmer at the end of the hectic tunnel approaching. Phew!
'Til then, I recently read a column in the Life section of Chatelaine that dislocated my jaw in wonder. I found a kindred spirit in a complete stranger. No kidding, this wonderful woman has experienced a mirror image of what I have (not just in my Mother's life, but in our experience of our mothers' deaths as well). Our relationships with our Mom's were defined by very similar values and struggles. Our highs and lows emulate one another. Our love for our Mom’s always outweighed our disappointments and confusion (by a lot), and, neither of us seem to have any regrets for any of it! When I read the article, and did the math, it seems our mothers died a similar death, at just about the exact same time last year (just about a year ago, to be exact). The author’s name is Stacy Morrison.
At Christmas she received a letter ‘from her Mom’ (through a brother) that she had written while still living, knowing she didn’t have a lot of time left. It has given Stacy a lot of peace and clarity, which I sympathize with so much. I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I found a letter my Mom wrote herself, but it was about me? And I didn’t know about it until months after she died. It also unclipped the wings of my heart. I’m willing to bet that Stacy would agree that the way we supported our ‘Mama’s’ through their disintegration (on any number of levels – in life and death) has been rewarding and worth the struggle, and that it has saved us a lot of therapy having never given up on them throughout their struggles.
I genuinely feel the need to try and contact her, just to say thank you. Just to recognize the fact that she validated the choices I’ve made throughout my life that I often asked myself, “is this the right thing to do?” and “Is this worth it?” I mean, I’ve made up my own mind by now that yes, it was, but she has fundamentally become a soul sister without even realizing it. And, likely hearing from me wouldn’t alter her life in any way, but I think she deserves to know that she has opened my eyes, and my heart, and helped me to feel supported (without even having to try).
Why do I so often feel the need to be friends with everyone I come in contact with? Why do I so desperately want to be liked, everywhere I go? It can be such a trap of disappointment and hurt. But, it has also worked 99% of the time and leaves me full of gratitude and appreciation for the wonderful people I now cherish in my very fulfilling life. Unfortunately, sometimes that little meagre 1% that can weigh so heavily...
Hm. Sounds like a good topic for my next blog post?
So, I hope Ms. Stacy Morrison doesn’t get mad at me for doing this, but here is the link to her article. Until I can write, I can assure you’ll enjoy it. And, apart from having 2 parents and a couple of brothers, you can pretty much substitute much of what she says with my life.
‘Til we meet again…
http://www.chatelaine.com/en/article/26487--my-mother-s-parting-words
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